As a teenager, all I wanted was to be loved and accepted and this desire followed me into my twenties. In my thirties, I was attempting to look good! I was conscious of my weight, my hair, my clothes – I suppose I was just over conscious of my image. As I got into my forties I wanted to be successful – I wanted the things I put my heart and soul into, to go well.
I am now into my fifties and getting close to the number sixty, and so I am going to let you in on my secret. I have come to realize how much energy and time I wasted in running after acceptance, image and success.
So let me tell you my secret! I need God. I need Him more now than I ever have before. I need Him to fill my life with His living water so that it can flow from me. So, in these wonderful years of my life, I have shifted my focus.
Loved and Accepted
Now don’t get me wrong – I still want to be loved and accepted, but that is not my focus. I am not striving for these two things. My hearts desire is to please God. I want to be loved and accepted by Him because in Him I find all the security that I need. His love of me makes me absolutely complete.
I don’t exactly love the wrinkles or the extra weight that seems to be piling on despite lessening my calories intake. Okay – let me rephrase!! Maybe every now and again I try to take in fewer calories, but I love cheesecake and chocolate!! The comfortable place I am in - is that image is not everything. Don’t get me wrong – I do not want to walk around looking drab and ghastly, but there are definitely more important things in life than how I look.
I thought success was everything. If we were going to put our hand to something, it had to succeed. I have found in life, that some things succeed and others do not. Truth be told, a lot of our projects do not go quite as we planned for them to go. I do still want to succeed at what I do, but once again, this is not my focus. My focus is to please God in all I do. I have found that God does not view success in the way I do. He is not that interested in the things that I think are successful. God’s image of success is when my life is bringing glory to Him! That is very different to the image I previously had of success.
As I have reached this phase in my life, I feel as if I need God more now than I ever have before. That is my honest confession. This is my secret coming out into the open. The longer I serve Him the more I need Him.
I am not so sure what is happening, but I find I cannot face my days without my God. I need Him. I need Him so that I can love people more. I need Him so that I can serve His world better. I need Him to be a great mom and grandmother. I need Him to help me to be the best wife in the world. I just need Him.
I wish there was a song that said; “The longer I serve Him, the more I need Him!” That is how I feel. I would sing that song on a daily basis.
I do wish that I had realized that He satisfies completely! I would not have wasted my effort on so many other pursuits. Don’t get me wrong, I would have tried my best, but I would have sought His approval more, looked for His stamp of blessing on everything, and believed that I was absolutely, completely and utterly loved by my beautiful God.
I am and always will be,
Recklessly abandoned, ruthlessly committed and in relentless pursuit of Jesus,