MY SECRET

As a teenager, all I wanted was to be loved and accepted and this desire followed me into my twenties.  In my thirties, I was attempting to look good!  I was conscious of my weight, my hair, my clothes – I suppose I was just over conscious of my image.  As I got into my forties I wanted to be successful – I wanted the things I put my heart and soul into, to go well. 

 

I am now into my fifties and getting close to the number sixty, and so I am going to let you in on my secret.  I have come to realize how much energy and time I wasted in running after acceptance, image and success. 

 

So let me tell you my secret!  I need God.  I need Him more now than I ever have before.  I need Him to fill my life with His living water so that it can flow from me.  So, in these wonderful years of my life, I have shifted my focus. 

 

Loved and Accepted

 

Now don’t get me wrong – I still want to be loved and accepted, but that is not my focus.   I am not striving for these two things.  My hearts desire is to please God.  I want to be loved and accepted by Him because in Him I find all the security that I need.  His love of me makes me absolutely complete.

 

My Image

 

I don’t exactly love the wrinkles or the extra weight that seems to be piling on despite lessening my calories intake.  Okay – let me rephrase!!  Maybe every now and again I try to take in fewer calories, but I love cheesecake and chocolate!!   The comfortable place I am in - is that image is not everything.  Don’t get me wrong – I do not want to walk around looking drab and ghastly, but there are definitely more important things in life than how I look.

 

Success

 

I thought success was everything.  If we were going to put our hand to something, it had to succeed.  I have found in life, that some things succeed and others do not.  Truth be told, a lot of our projects do not go quite as we planned for them to go.  I do still want to succeed at what I do, but once again, this is not my focus.  My focus is to please God in all I do.  I have found that God does not view success in the way I do.  He is not that interested in the things that I think are successful.  God’s image of success is when my life is bringing glory to Him!  That is very different to the image I previously had of success. 

 

My Secret

 

As I have reached this phase in my life, I feel as if I need God more now than I ever have before.  That is my honest confession.  This is my secret coming out into the open.  The longer I serve Him the more I need Him. 

 

I am not so sure what is happening, but I find I cannot face my days without my God.  I need Him.  I need Him so that I can love people more.  I need Him so that I can serve His world better.  I need Him to be a great mom and grandmother.  I need Him to help me to be the best wife in the world.  I just need Him.

 

I wish there was a song that said; “The longer I serve Him, the more I need Him!”  That is how I feel.  I would sing that song on a daily basis.

 

I do wish that I had realized that He satisfies completely!  I would not have wasted my effort on so many other pursuits.  Don’t get me wrong, I would have tried my best, but I would have sought His approval more, looked for His stamp of blessing on everything, and believed that I was absolutely, completely and utterly loved by my beautiful God. 

 

I am and always will be,

Recklessly abandoned, ruthlessly committed and in relentless pursuit of Jesus,

Carol